Don't Take It Personally

Not taking it personally, together with setting boundaries, is extremely important for those living with a family member who has suffered a brain injury. Coping with the changes in your loved one is difficult enough without taking to heart verbal abuse that you know they would never have said before their accident. They mean it no more than you want to hear it. But since you do hear it, the best thing to do is relegate it to that portion of your memory bank where things that aren't worth remembering go.

Those who have experienced brain injuries are no longer the same person they were before their injury. We had many incidents in the early stages, brought about by frustration and anger, and although they do not happen as often, there is still the occasional time that it does. At those times, I must remember to remain calm; to consider that his bad behavior is a result of his brain injury and that he has been left with deficits that he is unaware of or at the very least, has not as yet acknowledged, not even to himself.

It can also come about when there are difficulties with the thought processes. Written instructions of any kind were often a prelude to bad behavior and anger where at times in exasperation, he would throw the offending instructions at me. Sometimes he'd bare his teeth and glare at me when he was angry or, refuse to eat meals put in front of him or, become angry at not being included in something that he was physically or otherwise unable to do. I am thankful that angry, hate-filled looks don't kill.

He had also on occasion chosen to sit in another area of the doctor's office from me because he was angry at my insistence that he needed to go; and he has refused to talk to me, sometimes for a whole trip, because he was angry or frustrated.

Depression plays a large part in behaviors such as these. It is a very common problem with brain injury. If problems such as these persist, it would be advisable to have the injured family member assessed.