How to Deal With Learned Dependencies and Co-Dependency Following a Brain Injury

Learned dependency and co-dependency will often go hand-in-hand when a loved one has sustained a traumatic brain injury. It usually begins innocently enough but will end up being healthy for neither the brain injured survivor or the caregiver.

Brain injury survivors can, over time become dependent on their caregiver so that even when they are able to do things for themselves, they won't. As a result they will continue to become more and more reliant on their caregiver instead of calling on their own resources. It will affect their emotional and physical wellbeing which will then affect their recovery process. A survivor of traumatic brain injury will learn to become dependent as a result of receiving help when it wasn't required.

A co-dependent becomes overly involved in the patient's care. When this happens they don't allow the patient to be responsible for doing things even if they are capable of doing them. Caregivers initially become co-dependents because of love; they are trying to do the right thing by helping their loved one. With co-dependency and patient dependency, each person is robbed of their own identity. Co-dependency can create too much control over the patient leading to disempowerment. This can hinder the brain injured person's ability to take control of their own lives. Unfortunately, over time many who have learned dependency will be resistant to unlearning it and will not wish to do things for themselves.

Independence should be encouraged even if it means stepping away and leaving the situation. It may be a case of having to exercise tough love in order to force the patient to do things for himself/herself. This will be difficult to do for many reasons. It will be hard for the caregiver because they may feel that by not doing things for the patient, they are not doing what they should be doing. The brain injured survivor may also attempt to emotionally manipulate the caregiver to feel guilt for not continuing to do what they've been doing.

Other people may also negatively judge a caregiver who does not behave co-dependently when someone appears to need the help. But because others do not walk in the shoes of the caregiver they are unable to see that often the patient is more capable than he may appear to be to outsiders.

Learned dependencies and co-dependency becomes a vicious circle. Once the cycle begins, it is difficult to get out of but it is as important for the brain injured survivor as it is for the caregiver to attempt to do so. Looking after someone who is emotionally dependent is very tiring; and feeling dependent on another thwarts any possible progress towards healthy living.

If the brain injured survivor is capable, encouraging independence and backing off is the most positive thing that can be done to assist your loved one in getting better.